If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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