he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
