:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
