oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
