The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
