perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I intend to get homeless drunk
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
