the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
