he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
