did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
