She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
