Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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