we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
