hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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