Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
