if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
A bitchslap is in order.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
