Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
