I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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