I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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