CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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