peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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