Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
