Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
It's just like the Real World with babies
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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