it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
