Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
