my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
