if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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