MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
