was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It was like getting head from an anaconda
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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