i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
