We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
