How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
