I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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