i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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