please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
