dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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