well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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