just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
