just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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