Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Where is the hickey?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
