no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
