I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
