Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
my poor anus
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
