Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
