She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
