apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
