i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
