Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
