If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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