I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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