We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
