I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
